February 1, 2011

Shapeshifting Shadow

My shadow, the shapeshifter. Always changing. The familiar morphing into the unknown. Expanding from the form I once knew. I don't recognize this figure. It is not my friend. Peter Pan may have wished to keep his shadow sewn tight but I am eager to break free of its grasp. To shirk the constant reminder of what my shadow has now become and what it will be four months from now.

Pregnancy is a blessing. To have a child will be the greatest present I will be gifted in this life. I have dreamed of being a mother for as long as I can remember. It was the one thing I knew I had to do in this life. I always saw pregnant women as incredibly beautiful and figured that the one day I was so lucky to join their elite clan that I would glow in the same way. That I would feel just as beautiful.

How wrong I was. Though I could not be happier about the blessing forming inside me I feel betrayed by what is happening on the outside. With every week I continue to grow in welcome and unwelcome places. I don't feel beautiful. I feel huge. I wish this was not so difficult for me. That I could marvel and enjoy every symptom of this time. I bask in the thought of the gorgeous little boy that I am creating within my frame. Then I see my shadow snickering next to me. Reminding me of the toll I will pay for this wondrous journey. I would despise it if it weren't for what it stood for. The light at the end of the tunnel.

For now I will sit in traffic in this tunnel and try to avoid my new frenemy until I make it to the other side. Grow to the size of the Empire State Building if you must shadow. Whatever it takes to get to the light. My precious gift. My baby boy.


Anonymous said...

I personally feel the complete opposite about your glow! It is beautiful and radiant. I know we are our own worst critics, but from an onlookers perspective, you make being pregnant...beautiful!

Deana said...

You look great and you should feel beautiful! The 3rd tri is hard and you are gonna feel huge but that is not how everyone else will see it. And it the end it doesn't matter and it will be so worth it. Believe it or not you will miss the belly one day. <3

Tenley Clark said...

Anonymous: That is really sweet of you to say and makes me feel a lot better!! Thanks! =)

Deana: Everyone tells me how much they miss being pregnant. I guess in hindsight I will see what they mean. You know when I forget about all the strange symptoms and things that happen to your body haha. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

gotta tell you, pregnant women look beautiful, but you look definitely amazing! AND I got to remind you that it´s your belly what´s growing, at least thats what your pictures show, you are not fat, and you do not look fat, you look gorgeous. Try to enjoy it A LOT. Is your first one :) Congrats. I hope you can feel better after some time. God bless you and your growing family :D

Holly said...

thank you for posting this and being honest. My shadow and Ihave been disagreeing lately, and all it does is snicker and remind me how far away January is. It is nice to know I'm not the only one to have this argument.

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